.Tuesday, 27 November 2012 ' 14:28
I nvr once commit in love, since mth of june 2012 i committed. I nvr love someone so deeply before, but.....
.Monday, 28 May 2012 ' 14:39
At the same time you be crying, wishing that they'd come around. But then again sometime a better person will be found. The past is the past, let the world take it's course. Friends can change, but you will find even more.
Sometimes it hurts to say im fine eventually im not.
No ones could understand i been through. I knew people around me had been givenup on me. Cos' of actually things keeps goes on repeating. I knw... Those days are gone, im sorry for keep telling you guys that i am..... But now what i tried to keep it all to myself. Whn im upset, whn im feeling down, whn im break down, who am i going to? Who am i going to find someone else to talk to? The only things right now i only can kept it all into myself. Trying to hang on.. You knw how pain the feeling is? I knw i had no more friends right now, all causes of me. They are tired of me. Im sorry. I rly need a new start a new beginning):
.Wednesday, 21 March 2012 ' 12:02
Time passes damn fast. && now was march, turning to april soon... There are alots of things happen. Somehow of depressed. Sigh!~ Thought that i would be still happily living in single life. But i turn in r/s.. There are so many things to tell everyday daily of my life that what i had experience. But sometimes seems to be speechless... This mth my tears are full of flood. There are so many things to stress.. My work, r/s && myself. As for my job right now, i work as hairstylist... although it is a complicated job for me && there are so many things i still have to catch up. Im happily w my career right now to be a hairdresser, but what people here treated me was lyk a maid. Yes they did dote me, but for sometimes it dosent seems to be fair to me. Well, as for my r/s right now... I feel so afraid of. Cos' my feelings been cheated alots of time as before. I had a bad experiences r/s before. But now i wish that this time is real. I dont wanna feel insecure && i dont wanna get hurt this last time. I nvr ask for more. The last r/s i had learned my lesson && now i'd put my bf in the 1st place. I just hope that he truly love me. Though that i still cant forget && cant put down my past r/s. But im trying so hard to do it right now to throw it away. But what past is past. Only memories... Now i only wish that i can have a lifetime r/s. I hope this is the last time. There are so much things to tell... Alright, shall stop what i said. Will be continue again for my next story whn i can get a chance to blog again. :)
Feel so breakdown, but im trying to show im strong outside.Labels: i miss all of my friends on the above.....
.Thursday, 2 February 2012 ' 15:36
Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isnt it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest, it opens your heart, it means someone can get inside you && mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nth can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They dont ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you && then your life isnt your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out && leaves you crying in the darkness. So a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love!
.Wednesday, 1 February 2012 ' 13:25
Alots of people will tell me, i rly want to be happy! But what do they think abt? What do they talk abt? What do they dwell on? Whn i rly wan to be happy, i quit complaining abt my arthritis. Idh to eat everything i see && dh to talk abt everything that happens. Some people say they want to be happy, but it is not an intense burning desire. It is more like, i want to be happy if idh to change how i think. That's not a big enough commitment.
.Wednesday, 25 January 2012 ' 00:25
I felt that im so useless. I cant even bring happiness to my friends at all! Cos' i have no money, im so poor! If im rich.. maybe my friends wont be so troubling hanging out w me. Idw always hanging out w pocket-less or empty money in my pocket. Idw! Idw give them burdens! Always thinking abt what planning for outing weekends, every weeks? That would only make me feel so stress. Stress abt what how am i going to make them happy? I feel so fuckup for myself. Honestly && i said. I love hanging out w them so much. I rly dk since whn i have this feeling so happy to hang out w them. Since that i knew them for not long, but i trust them. Alright, i shall stop here. Goodnight peoples!
.Thursday, 19 January 2012 ' 11:14
I despise, bringing misery to life. Wishing myself had someone to trust in. So i can let it all out convey the reason i've been feeling so down. But whn i reach out for help i find there's no one but myself, i knw.
Life wont be this tough forever, only one thing makes it better. Dont hold it inside, no such thing as pride whn my hearts on the line it's ok to cry.
I've been through it myself. Contained emotions i was locked in a shell. Little did i knw i was headed down that road. I nvr had a compass directing whr i should go. Make a left off victim road, continue straight into the light. Cos' that's whr you should find help. && were nvr too old or too grown to just cry. Said you gotta let it out sometime. Sit in a corner cry, hug on a pillow && cry. Scream to the top of your lungs && just cry.
Last night was the lowest i've ever come in my short life. I'll admit i cried until i fell asleep.
Have you ever had a problem you had to keep to yourself and you're trying but it hurts lyk hell?
.Wednesday, 18 January 2012 ' 21:46
Once again all alone i suppose, i must deserve it. Im clingy, annoying, obnoxious, dense, lazy, obsessive, rash && silly. Sometimes i hate myself, i want to draw people in but only push them away. I cry so much lately. Because everything hurts. Maybe im not meant to be happy. I force my smile, i fake my laugh. Does anyone notice? Does anyone care? It's not "Like Me" to be so Depressed? Upset? Angry/frustrated? What is 'like me'? Someone tell me please! Cos' idk myself anymore. Once again, as before. Im all alone.
. ' 01:23
If only you see the tears im crying on my pillow..... I sit on my bed && i weep. Im tired, i just cant sleep too much in my head thoughts that i cannot shed not even w paper && ink...so tired..
Im tired. Tired of feeling lost, afraid && misunderstood. Tired of wondering if im letting someone down by the choices i've made. Tired of getting my feelings hurt, my ego bruised && my heart broken. Tired of showing these varmin called emotions. Tired of being me of being weak. Tired of trying to be this person i cannot see. Tired of all the pain, all the struggle i've put upon myself. Tired of not being the person i was. Tired of hiding, hoping && healing . Tired of listening, learning, letting . Im tired... Im tired.
.Saturday, 14 January 2012 ' 13:39
Im the most responsible girl that i knw, i not meant that im that i am truly. I nvr late, always on time for the show. Ask anyone around me && they'll tell you just how i am. I try to tell the truth every chance that i get i nvr let the work im doing get to my head. && whn it came to love i thought i gave it the best i had. But somewhr i missed. Somewhr i slipped. Somewhr theres a couple steps that i skipped. Somehow i told myself i didnt need anyone. Now everything around me feels out of place. Lyk all four walls are closing in && theres no escape. Everyday spent w/o you it gets harder to act lyk im okay. If i could take back the things that i said, if i could un-break all that we had. I'd put all the pieces back tgt again. The world that i knw is all crashing down. && its the biggest shock to me. Cos' i thought i had it all figured out. So why does my heart feel empty? I thought it was perfect, but it wasnt so perfect. Cos' look at me now. I was so busy telling everyone how good life is now that you're gone. Now its so hard to be out on my own. So why do i feel so alone? How could i get this all wrong? I guess that little miss perfect wasnt so perfect aft all.
.Thursday, 12 January 2012 ' 20:41
I feel so break down. I wish to get myself drunk, drown myself down everytime everyday && every min. Who can understand how i feel? No one! Not even one!! Even closer ones? Even i explain. Or even i express myself out, express my feelings. No one get it, no one get what i mean. What should i do? Everyone thinks that im wrong. Whatever i do was wrong. Everything was my fault! Tell me whn i do is right? No... Not even. I feel so useless. Maybe im still a kid. Forever kid mind set, forever! I nvr get to growup. Why god have to torture me? Why just dont kill me rather? Why? I dont wanna feel all this && that negative things! Please. Let me go. Please. Idw to tolerate this torment..... Who can i share w? No one. All i only can keep myself silent.
.Monday, 9 January 2012 ' 23:33
did i rly want to stay on this road longer knowing it was only going to end in devastation? any happiness, no matter how brief, seemed better than the long,
simmering torture of waking up day aft day, knowing i could nvr have
him. "here he is all mine, trying his best to give me all he can. how could i ever hurt him? i was so foolish! but i didnt understand then. that i could hurt
somebody so badly, he would nvr recover. that a person can just by
living, damage another human being beyond repair." but i still have to.....
im fighting to get you out of my head but im holding onto every word that you ever said.
.Thursday, 5 January 2012 ' 23:41
i dont wanna feel this depressed!):
.Saturday, 19 November 2011 ' 22:21
Wow!! It been past a few mth didnt came here for blog. So hello people i am back, but for a moment! Lols.
That's all for these few month we spent. I had been a great time w them, honestly speaking. They are very different from other guys that i knew. I can say i understood them damn as well, even i knew them for not long. This feeling's different from what i feel, i don't know why i had this feeling. Alright, the best way to end this conversation is they are my favorite friends in 2011year.
Well, but i still love my boyfriend the most. He is the best boyfriend of mine!<3
I love you baby!
♥♥
.Friday, 30 September 2011 ' 22:20
SO BORED!! ); im gonna blog!
Alright, i found it cute of this maggie hair that i do thats why i take a pic of it.=) well, below of the pic is i used hair dryer blow it my ownself by not using the curly ton. Haha! Im so happy of it that i learned to blow this. But the rest of the lesson i learned, dont think that i can success or to able make it.): only by doing this im full of confidence! Alright alright, im lazy to say much. Lols. Seriously im fking bored right now. Cos' all of my friends going party to enjoy. Yet im staying at, so lonely.)= how i wish that i can be lyk them..... )';
.Saturday, 24 September 2011 ' 14:58
Sometimes it came to a moment i might wondering, what am i doing wrong? Is it wrong that im complaining? I do too, but common im useless. I aint happy, "im useless but not for long the future is coming on." Lifeless to knw the definition for what life is. I always think that am so stupid. Cos' i always do the wrong things, lose things, forget things && am always under pressure. Im not trying to feel sorry for myself; i am annoyed at myself. I feel so fucking useless, because i couldnt stand up to myself && saying lyk it was. && that i managed to mess things up further.):
.Friday, 16 September 2011 ' 13:24
I rly feel damn stress, who can rly understand me? Who can i tell my feelings are right now? Who Who??? Why?? I thought the best way is to keep thing to my ownself. But this feeling of me are getting sucks. I rly feel so useless right now. Idw to go back the past of me, im rly scared. I dont wish to feel what i feel frm the past of me.)))): IDW!! Can someone pls save me frm the hell????? I am feeling damn depressed right now!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel so cold, I feel so scared. Feels lyk dying.. ))))))))))));;;;;;;;
.Thursday, 15 September 2011 ' 17:43
Alright, people might say that im unfriendly. Well, what im gonna say here is sorry for all guys on fb that i ignore. If you read this, pls understand while you happen to say hi or whatever shits on fb msg keep. Dont you guys feel tiring for everyday or every hrs' keep saying hi? Damn irritating! Dont think that i accept the friend request means i will reply every msg that you all send in chat or even be friendly w you. Sorry. I wont i wont be so free entertain you all. I am not anymore kids lyk you guys keep making friends around... It's damn childish! What for making more friends? For me who i am, i wont want more friends for right now. Thats me! (; i just need afews of them thats enough for me. HELLO GUYS!!! Please grow up, dont be so fuckup kids anymore!! Thanks for the interrupt!
.Wednesday, 14 September 2011 ' 23:45
It been a long weeks didnt blog. Am so tiring! ); So here i am back.(: Sigh, now adays im damn stressup && thats make me upset abt it. Thinking abt money problem, i am broke honestly. Actually i had a temporary job during past few weeks, sales period only. && i supposed to get my pay tmr of 15th. Yet the person ans me "I will let you knw again". I was unhappy to have this bad news telling me. Who wants pay to be delay? Im sure no one will lyk it, am i right? Seriously damn! && i supposed to get my pay tmr combination frm diff outlet. In yet they told me that my pay will be postpone until next mth of 15th. Wth right? Seriously seriously, i rly need money right now. I've got most of my stuff spoilt, i needed money agently!): i cant always get frm my mom money or even my dad. My family have finance problems. Let me say: my mom works part time job 4bucks per hr not daily schedule && my dad works 1000plus per mth. Somemore my daddy paying for my full courses lesson of hairstylist which cost $3800, but my dad cant affort too much so we go for monthly pay 600plus. && how abt my younger bro? My parents still have to affort the money for his sch, our meals && how abt our house? Damn chor right?! && abt my lesson which i learned, im afraid i cant success. These are all i am stressing for. Sometimes i rly wish to have somemore to talk to, but who can i rly tell? Who can understand me how i feel right now? Tell me who can i rly tell or talk to?
))))))))))));;;;;;;;
.Tuesday, 6 September 2011 ' 21:17
.Saturday, 3 September 2011 ' 11:57
No one will ever understand my feelings, while im outing w a group of my friends. To them im just a invisible. Im being left out to them. Maybe im too annoying. Im sorry.
&& baby dont think twice. If you can feel what i feel. Trust your heart, do what i do. I admit that from time to time im feeling insecure. Cos' of your over-protective. && think im gonna lose my mind. I dont think i'll ever understand that our lovin' should nvr have a happy end. So im rly gonna try my best to let you knw.
Labels: Theres a crystal lake of all the tears I cried
.Tuesday, 30 August 2011 ' 00:12
One of the most painful things you can experience is betrayal by someone you trust. Friends who betray you in anw wound you to your core. You may feel shock, anger && pain initially.
Labels: trusted friend is over
.Sunday, 28 August 2011 ' 22:21
